Selfish Jesus

new blog- yes that is tyler durden, yes that is the point and no he’s not imaginary :P

selfishjesus:

((this is ben mun, yeah i’m uncreative with blog styles but i will definitely make some sort of profile set up for tyler

and will for (with the newly tweaked) rd and hall))

paltrylives asked:

➁ :A memory that used to anger me but they've since gotten over or forgiven. ➄ :A memory that still makes me sad. ➈ :Someone I used to be close with.

calm the fuck down Answer:

➁ :A memory that used to anger me but they’ve since gotten over or forgiven: Hall can get enraged by anything, but he also lets go of anything at all. Probably Hernandez leaving him with her little baby (wanting to actually have something like that, a family, and then being told no), if he ever saw her again he’d pretend it never happened. If you mean about how the city treats him, he can still get annoyed but mostly he acts in a nonchalant futile way.

➄ :A memory that still makes me sad: This probably wasn’t a good meme to pick because Hall very much lives in the present and will only bring up the past or hold onto it if he’s angry not sad. So it’s probably thinking about Silas getting up and leaving and leaving him alone with a dying cat.

➈ :Someone I used to be close with: He still thinks about her a lot, Death Dance, how angry she used to get with him and thrived on her desire to BE with him and haha the sex they had (as well as how mad Silas was when he found out). 

idfk

History Lesson! Send some!

➀ : A memory that still makes me angry.

➁ : A memory that used to anger me but they've since gotten over or forgiven.

➂ : A memory that never fails to make me smile.

➃ : A story about me from when I was little, but that I only know from stories.

➄ : A memory that still makes me sad.

➅ : A song I used to love but now don't.

➆ : A song I used to love and still do.

➇ : A place I used to visit a lot but haven't for awhile.

➈ : Someone I used to be close with.

➉ : Someone I didn't like at first but do now.

○ : Other -- Ask any question about my past that you would like.

Prison

Hall came from a working class background and for BLI that immediately put him in a box. Not only was he diagnosed with ASPD (or as the inept psychiatric staff from prison called him a “sociopath”), an ex-con and openly homosexual- he came from a working class background, had no college education nor did he even have his high school degree, had very little money to his name and only had experience with blue collar work (ie: factory work and an apprenticeship as a mechanic). There are a lot of faults with Hall- and instead of being a neatly packaged, educated and clean problem for BLI to take care of, Hall is an undesirable, dirty, uneducated mess of a problem. He is completely the antithesis of what BLI wants to associate itself with.

Even though he had the genuine problem of his mental health and many blights on his record (ie: unable to obtain a “proper” job that BLI offered)- should he have been less open and middle class he would have gotten much more attention than he recieved. Tossed in a massive waiting line to see a mandatory therapist who was not equipped with the insight to help Hall with (mandatory therapists are basically glorified counsellors with the title of doctor- they can help with depression; but not at all with personality disorders) and who he was only required to see once a month (if he missed an appointment he’d have to wait another month, or worse still if the therapist missed an appointment he’d have to wait another month) and given pills regulated by the company itself which were only to stabilise not help (lithium carbonate which is only to supress aggression- like he was an animal), and (at first) tossed in a rehabilitation program which in turn just made him a glorified cab driver in a draculoid’s uniform.

Hall has little to no routine medical evaluation, especially as he had been kicked off the rehabilitation program for unruly behaviour, and had been literally left to rot by Better Living Industries as he is of little use. The only income he receives is from the obligitory company cheque that would allow him to pay rent and buy food, or to work in an unlicensed and barely legal auto shop in the neon district off the radar (not only do they repair cars that better-off-citizens don’t want to report to insurance companies, but they also do under-the-counter bot repairs and repair electrical goods).

He’s of little importance to improve or fix or update, and is only seen to keep under control to the extent that he doesn’t react violently but that’s about it. He is of little importance because he is unfit to work or contribute anything worthwhile to society. He’s not worth re-education (what would they re-educate him to do? they can’t take away his feelings and turn him into a better human being, he’s a natural nuisance).

Should he act out enough to make BLI notice him, he would be imprisoned and eventually wiped out completely. (it would therefore make sense why he craves attention on the boneline and for people to find him sexy and INTERESTING, the fact that infamous killjoys had found him sexually desirable really gave him meaning. RD’s slowly diminishing lack of attention winds him up and makes him violently furious with greyface, as well as the conflicting desire to stay monogamous to keep in Silas’ interest. he wants to be important, but at the same time he KNOWS he’s god damn important.)

sarah told me to drabble so i drabble thank YOU sarah for talking about this with me!

bloodredecho:

Pfft, like I could threaten ya… I’m harmless.

… y’got a funny way of showin’ it. //poutpout//

Only of the pouty kind, ya adorable lil punk

Aw c’mon, I showed you plenty

(Source: benjamin-hall)

bloodredecho:

benjamin-hall:

Mean about bein mean

I don’t know~ you were the one who wanted ~complimenting

Because, babe, I lllooooveeee the attention. But if ya ain’t gonna lavish it on me…

Then what baby, is that a threat?

Naw baby you know i got plenty of love for ya